The Nose Knows: Redefining Our Beauty Standards

I have an Arab nose. I’ve always hated my nose and was really insecure about it. I had a habit of joking about it so it would be harder for people to either vocally or silently comment on my nose. I wanted them to know that I was well aware of the way it looks, and that I planned to do something about it. And for taking selfies with friends, any shot other than something straight on can spell fear!

I believed that once I got a nose job I’d be satisfied with the way I look. So in my head, I was a nose away from beautiful. All this obsession with flawlessness was a result of the presence of the media, that reinforce the standard of beauty. Prior to social media, celebrities were admired for their beauty. They were role models marveled at, and now thanks to social media, emulated more than ever before. Fast forward to the present, where people now are constantly bombarded by images of celebrities. Their lives are chronicled on a daily basis thanks to social media creating an illusion of an almost intimate relationship between the public and the stars. This change in society’s relationship has changed its view of beauty and given people a sense that they, too, can be like those stars.

With pictures of ideal beauty bombarding us day by day, it is easy to forget that standards of beauty are arbitrary and they vary greatly both from one culture to another and over time. This simply means that beauty standards are a collection of ideas and thoughts around physical appearance that each generation and each culture comes up with. Such variations in ideals of beauty often reflect the roles that women and men are expected to fulfill in a given society. For instance, in cultures where women are valued primarily for their fertility—their ability to bear and nurture children—full-bodied women with broad hips and sufficient breasts are often considered the most beautiful. These days our society seems to suffer from makeover mania. Countless television shows and magazine stories focus on transforming individuals from the outside in, with accompanying “before” and “after” photos. People should know that you can dye your hair red, but if you don’t change your mindset, the same encounter will perpetuate itself.

The first thing that was on my “to do list” after graduating high school was to get a nose job, of course. Directly after high school, my cousin, who also hated her nose, really did get a nose job. I worried that when I saw her I would feel envious, but I didn’t. I just felt sad. When I saw that everyone was really happy for her and encouraging me to do the surgery, it hit me that we demean ourselves as a society when we value a nose job over improving a soul. And I don’t want to be a part of this! As much as I hated my nose, I backed down once the option to have surgery became available because the fear of waking up and seeing the new me after rhinoplasty didn’t seem so exciting anymore. It seemed horrifying. I was going to be in the surgery room, let a doctor break my nose, and reshape it: All of this just to look better. I realized that anything a surgeon would do would make me look less like me. And at the end of the day, I love me.

I could easily blame the media’s portrayal of what a beautiful woman looks like, but instead I’m aiming to take full responsibility for my own emotions rather than blame the external world on how I feel internally. We’re all victims of this, but it’s our mission to be woke. It may not always be easy, but by taking one step everyday toward self-love and acceptance, you’ll finally reach the total freedom to be yourself.

I always believed that once you start on a journey of self-correction in the physical sense, you will find it very difficult to stop. Your perception will be altered along the way and you will need just a little bit more each time. Many individuals aren’t just getting surgery for minor cosmetic procedures; they’re going under the knife to look like the freshest and youngest versions of themselves. It’s easy to take things too far. If your aim is to look younger, just remember that aging is inevitable, so why waste all that time and money trying to fight it? Your body has been changing since the day you were born and it will continue to change until the day you die. Let it change. When Eckhart Tolle, a spiritual teacher, was asked about the fear of aging and getting ugly, he said that it’s important when you look into the mirror to also feel your presence so that you don’t get excessively attached to your external form. And you can only prevent yourself from becoming attached to it if you can sense your underlying presence. For example, if you apply makeup, don’t go so far as to alter your face with makeup in order to be able to feel and sense your presence. As children we all knew we were going to change, but during that stage in our lives we were excited about it. As we age we have the opportunity to discover our deeper essence beyond the body and express our inner beauty, explains Eckhart. We are all subject to the effect of time and the changes in the body, but we do not need to become “ugly” in the process.

When I look back at all the time I squandered hating my nose and the energy that I could have put toward a noteworthy good, it sort of humiliates me. I don’t lament it, because it was essential to who I am today, but it just seems so silly. So the quicker you get to that place of self-acceptance, the more life you’ll live, really live.

I can’t help but wonder why being beautiful has become such a goal we strive for. Maybe I don’t want to be beautiful. Maybe I don’t want to be placed in a certain category, a category that presumes the way I will act, behave, and think. Perhaps I don’t want the expectations that come with this presumption of who I am, that I will be a certain way around men or uphold a certain set of values. Maybe I want you to see me the way I see myself, as a person who thinks, who feels, who loves, who laughs, who is far more than a face and a body. The only reason why we try to look perfect is because we’re insecure!

I aspire to live in a tomorrow where we recognize that there’s no objective standard of beauty, but in fact there’s diversity in beauty. We’re the ones who decide who is beautiful and what is beautiful. And most importantly, we have to stay conscious of who we look to for inspiration.