I have been reflecting lately on the ways in which our culture affects how we practice our faith. Culture isn’t just our ethnicity, the language we speak, the foods we eat, the clothes we wear, or the traditions we engage in.
Instead, culture dictates how we think, where our values lie, and what our beliefs are about how the world operates. Secondly, cultures change throughout history. One example is the common historical trope of looking back at what was culturally or socially acceptable fifty years ago and being horrified, just as those in fifty years will do to us. Add religion to the mix, and the waters become even murkier.
The Bible was written over a span of thousands of years, and with it, the social and cultural context. In understanding the Bible, it is so crucial for us to understand context. Context expands our perspective and allows us to see beyond the cultural lens we look from. Understanding our culture lens also gives us insight into recognizing that our understanding of the Bible sometimes may actually be more culturally interpreted than Biblically true.
But “respect” under the umbrella of physical discipline isn’t really respect at all, it’s fear. And fear is not a spirit of God.
Why do I say all of this? I believe that it is important for all of us as Christians to look at how we were raised, and its connection to our faith through a critical lens. To examine critically, to do the work in understanding the effects of culture, while at the same time, not bending God’s word to what is culturally relevant and pleasing to us. What a task!
The topic I’m going to focus on in this article is on corporal punishment, or using physical punishment to discipline our children.
Historically, numerous Bible verses have been used to justify the use of corporal punishment, and it’s not uncommon to hear Christians say, “God instructs us to disciple our children physically.”
When an instruction is backed up by God, who can argue, right? And yet, the way the verses are being interpreted lacks context, leading to misguidance.
The most common Bible verse used over the years is from Proverbs 13:24:
“Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.”
This has often been translated as “Spare the rod, spoil the child.” At face value, it appears as though the verse instructs parents to use a “rod” (a staff, bar, stick) to physically discipline their children out of “love.” The verse warns that sparing the “rod” with children is synonymous with “hating” them. But is this really so? Is the rod actually considering a physical measuring stick used to inflict physical harm?
The trust is what allows for them to respect their parents, not the fear.
According to Nirvana Reginald Gayle, both a social worker and a minister, the word “rod” has different meanings and connotations in the Old Testament other than being used for physical discipline.
He writes, “throughout scripture the rod was symbolic and representative of strength, power and spiritual transformation. So the real meaning of “spare the rod and spoil the child” is that if you spare the rod of spiritual knowledge, insight and transformation to your child, they’ll be spoiled rotten.”
It therefore appears as though the rod is not a physical stick, but an internal sense of knowledge and guidance. The following verses supporting this definition of rod:
“the Lord is my rod and fortress,” as mentioned in Psalm 18:2
“He is my rod and my salvation,” in Psalm 61:2
Gayle even goes on to say that Moses’ “rod” was a symbol of power and strength. Moses’ rod performed miracles, and even separated the Red Sea for the Israelites to escape Egypt (See Exodus).
Continuing in this vein, there is much Biblical support that validates God’s respect and value of children.
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Ephesians 6:4)
But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. (Matthew 18:6)
I have always marveled at Jesus’ delight towards children. They flocked to him. He shooed others away to be with them, and even said that in order to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, we must become like them (Matthew 18:3).
Jesus valued children, he respected them, and admired them. If we are to aspire to be like Him, how would you imagine we treat them?
The scientific evidence for the effects of physical abuse on children also gives us insight into how harmful corporal punishment can be. For those in favor of corporal punishment, I often hear the sentiment, “Well, my parents hit me, and I turned out fine.” to which I usually question jokingly and then laugh.
But in all seriousness, if we think about all the other relationships in our lives, we often draw a line at any that becomes “physical.” We wouldn’t tolerate our friends or partners hitting us, which in fact are illegal, so why should a child tolerate this behavior from an adult?
The rationale for corporal punishment towards children is that they need instruction, they need to be “molded” and taught right from wrong, that there is a power differential between parents and children, and that parents need to be “respected.”
But “respect” under the umbrella of physical discipline isn’t really respect at all, it’s fear. And fear is not a spirit of God.
Let’s think about this for a moment. You have a good friend who is walking down a path you know is not good for her. What would help your friend know to trust you as you do your best to guide her in a different direction? Would you yell at her? What about hit her? No, right? If you want your friend to feel safe with you, you must create an environment of trust. You need to be kind, understanding, compassionate, and then through that safety, you’re able to be open and direct.
Children are no different. These innocent little humans want to feel safe, to be loved, and have a relationship with their parents that is built on trust. The trust is what allows for them to respect their parents, not the fear.
In fact, research consistently shows that corporal punishment erodes the mother-child relationship, and has negative long-term consequences in a child’s life (Mulvaney, 2005).
I’d like to leave you with one final thought. People are naturally drawn to what feels good. In fact, it’s often the people and sense of community that draws a person to a certain faith, and not necessarily the faith itself. Why is this? Because people look to a person’s actions more than a person’s words. One of my favorite quotes is: “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”
The caring comes before the knowing. If we raise children in the Christian faith, with the hopes that they continue in the faith, then we must understand that the role of a parent is paramount at setting this example. We are to called to be like Christ, and I highly doubt He would have hurt a child.
And lastly: Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. -Matthew 7:12
Jennifer Ghobreyal works as a licensed mental health therapist at the California State University, San Bernardino, where she also received her Master’s. She has passion for mental health and removing the stigma of psychological disorders. In her free time, she loves to read, cook, and spend time with her husband, family and friends.
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