Disclaimer: This piece is based on opinions and perspectives. My intention is simply to share my experiences without sugarcoating anything. I hope that this piece allows readers to understand my perspectives and mobilize them towards action.
As Copts, we are no strangers to rejection, persecution, and the pain that our churches and families are ravaged by in Egypt. We come from a very collectivist culture, one where the family and the image they portray to the world is everything. And it’s never just your immediate family, but your cousins, tants, amoos, and even your parents’ long-time neighbors in Egypt who you still see every weekend for shay. Everyone in your church community knows you by name. Your Sunday school servants might even follow you on social media to keep you in check should you post anything too crazy online. For a lot of us, this is our life; our community is a huge part of our identity, to the extent that if we ever left it, where and what would we turn to? On the other hand, we are also very aware of the parts of our community that aren’t so great. Chief among these flaws is that everyone is all up in your business. And everyone, yourself included, have ridiculously high standards for your life. While it’s nice that our community cares and believes in us, this produces a lot of pressure and stress. This is what I’d like to focus on.
Why are we so determined to be “the best,” whether it be in the family, among our friend groups, or even in our church community? When I refer to being “the best,” I’m referring to the ideal picture our society paints. We’ve been conditioned by our environment that becoming “the best” is the ultimate goal. Then, comparison comes into play. Our desire to be the best results in our wants and possessions becoming predicated upon what the person next to me has; We find ourselves creating a world that is characterized by striving, competition, ingratitude, jealousy, and insecurity.
I will take full liberty in saying that more times than not, the reason our ingrained comparison culture has taken root in us is because of our parents and family members’ expectations of us. From your youth, we’re constantly asked the million dollar question: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Sometimes I wouldn’t even get a chance to respond before someone said, “You want to be a doctor, right? They make a lot of money and inshallah you’ll be a great doctor.” God forbid you respond with anything other than a doctor, lawyer or an engineer (or what I like to call the “holy trinity” of career paths). If you claim an alternate path, prepare for the looks of disappointment that are coming your way.
Like any naive child, these experiences shaped my opinions of myself, others and every aspect of who I was. As a college student, I felt that my interests had to be in the sciences or else I wasn’t smart. My goals had to always be as high or higher than my neighbor’s or else I wasn’t good enough. What would my future amount to if I didn’t attend the most prestigious college, have the highest paying job, or get the biggest engagement ring? Or what if I didn’t marry the most handsome and successful man (preferably Egyptian because God forbid you marry an agnaby (foreigner/American), own a huge house, and have at least one kid by 30? The sad part is, some even have the audacity to call out those who don’t have this impeccable resume, asking them, “What’s wrong? Is everything okay?” It is so easy to fall into the rabbit hole of criticizing others- I fell into it, even though I knew I would never want to be on the other side of it.
The problem I ran into started when I began to discover my passions and develop my identity, is that they didn’t line up with the ideals that I saw being praised my whole life. I asked myself- “is who I am worth it? Should I compromise everything I know and love about myself in order to please others?” I had to make a decision, one that cost more than I could foresee at the time, but one that I’m forever grateful I made. I still get questions like, “So, what do you wanna be?” And a lot of the times, my answer begins with a sigh, and an “honestly, I’m still figuring that out. And I’m okay with that.”
Here’s our remedy to comparison culture: we can either fit the mold that others have been trying to shape us into, or we can own the fact that we’re different and walk confidently in that. I have seen too many people walking around with fat bank accounts but feel purposeless and unfulfilled because they madly pursued a career, a person, or a lifestyle that never brought them the results (or the happiness) that they were promised.
Ultimately, the efforts of our hands can never be blessed without the touch of God’s grace. The Devil wants precisely this; He wants the people of God to lose their peace striving for the praises of men and never seek God’s praise in their decision-making.
I also want to clarify- living the aforementioned ideal life isn’t wrong. However, the way our hearts and intentions look in pursuing these goals matter. I witness people inside and outside of our community idolizing their desires and goals without seeking God and His purpose first. These same people are later met with misery and despair because they put all their hope into things that are perishing.
When do we stop and think, is God in this? Have I prayerfully sought after this thing with God’s will for me in mind? The things that come from God are never wrapped the way we want them to be, and they don’t come with instruction manuals either. As Americans, we’ve been accustomed to drawing out a plan, diving in, and having all the details about the future. Just like you need to sign off some packages before you receive them, we must present the things we want before God, with the understanding that if He doesn’t cosign them, it’s because there is another plan that’s greater for you. One with multiple blessings attached to it and that will cause you to give Him all the glory in the process for all that He’s done because it turned out better than you dreamed it to be.
“But first seek the kingdom of God and all His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.” (Matthew 6:33). I’m really encouraged by this verse when I read it because it truly draws out what our faith journey will look like when we submit to God. Our remedy is understanding who we are and Whose we are. When we understand this, begin to walk in our true identity as children of God and surrender ourselves fully to His perfect plan, He is always faithful to see us through and give us a reward that overflows into the lives of others.
Take heart in knowing that He has a perfect track record for taking care of His kids, and He will not forsake you. Lay down all your insecurities, comparisons, and hurts from this world at His feet. Watch Him use it all to write your story. Your life will become a testimony of who He is to everyone you know. He is the God of more than enough, and specializes in taking broken things and making them into a masterpiece.
I’ve come to learn that nothing in this life is meaningful unless I include God in it. When I choose to do so, I choose a path that is worth taking, one that will give me purpose and hopefully spark inspiration in others. I have chosen to accept criticism along the way, a consequence of deviating from the norm, and I know that all of it is shaping me to look more like Him. More people will likely come to the knowledge of Him if I strive to please Him above anyone else.
The Bible tells us in the book of Psalms 37:4 that if we delight in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our heart. Keep seeking Him and the desires of your heart will be granted to you. Then you’ll naturally want to dedicate it all back to Him, and rightfully so. If becoming a doctor, lawyer, or engineer isn’t in your heart, prayerfully pursue what is. Start that business, take a leap of faith into that acting career. Use all the talents and gifts you were given to their full capacity and watch how God will multiply them and use them to be a blessing to those around you. Imagine how different our community would be if more of us were unashamed of pursuing and cultivating the different ideas that God has placed within each one of us. Here’s to our generation who will be the first to break the cycle, rise above the limitations, and leave a different mark on the world that would honor God and bring glory to His name.
Gabriella Magar is currently studying Spanish and Linguistics at California State University, Fullerton. She is passionate about learning different languages and connecting with people around the world through faith and culture. She is also looking forward to doing mission work in South America and inspiring other young adults in the community to live a Christ-centered life. She’ll be achieving this through her new podcast, coming out this summer.
